BET has once again managed to make me lift my permanent side eye. First, it was Roots at Christmas raises fist.
Now, it’s actual quality writing via the show Being Mary Jane.
I love the story lines and the dialogue (and the Post-it notes!) on the show. Much love to Mara Brock Akil (the writer) and her husband Salim Akil (the director).
I also really like Gabrielle Union’s acting skills on the show. I never disliked her but up until now I just wasn’t a fan.
For the longest, I refused to watch the show (everyone kept telling me to get into it…even my mom) and didn’t start until 5 days ago.
I binged over the weekend and was glued to swallows slowly BET (seriously, I never thought I would ever give BET a chance) last night like most of Facebook and Twitter.
One of the recurring themes on the show (for several characters) was love and relationships. Mary Jane goes back and forth with her ex throughout the show and at one point she has a breakdown when he tells her that he’s started dating someone else.
She was devastated and, even though she really didn’t have a right to be upset (watch the show for that tea), I felt exactly where she was coming from.
Mary Jane wanted her ex to fight through his feelings and come back and fight for her.
I totally get that one and the following is going to sound a little crazy but I’m a Gemini and this is my blog so I can express myself however I want.
The thing that devastates me the most about my last relationship is that my ex did not fight for me once I ended things.
Yes, yes, yes. I know that I ended things but to be very honest it was his fault that I walked away. His mouth consistently said one thing but his actions displayed the complete opposite and I couldn’t deal anymore.
And, I gave him two chances to come back and make it work. Both times, he half assed it and I walked away more pissed than I did when we initially broke up.
Yes, I know I’m much better off and we weren’t a good fit but…he was supposed to fight for us to work.
How do you just walk away from love like that?
I mean yes, you go about your business. Stay busy. Move on to the next relationship.
But, what about all those feelings?
What about all those plans we made?
What about all the fighting I did to try to make it work those last few months?
It’s still a lot to process and some mornings I want to cry.
Real talk, I almost cried this morning listening to Beyonce’s “Mine” on repeat while I got ready for work.
I won’t let myself cry because I hate crying and I have an outlet called 30 Year Old Granny.
And it’s ok because it’s just my heart that hurts. I’m so grateful that my brain has all the power and keeps me rational and steady.
It’s funny when I started this blog I had no intentions of being so transparent.
But, there’s something so liberating about writing down my feelings.
So, it’s all good.
On a final note, I can’t believe it took me so long to get into Drake. I legit fast forward “Mine” so I can yell “I know u think it’s funny that your ex is not a running back…”