Like a 24


Like a 24 day challenge, that is!!

Last night, I worked out Frozen voice “for the first time innnn foreverrrrrr…” LOL I am such a kid, I LOVE that movie.

I also ate balanced meals and snacks all day and drank about 100 ounces of high quality H2O.

Why did I do all of this?

My bestie blessed me in December and purchased the AdvoCare 24 day challenge.

Why did he buy it for me?

Because, in life, everything either one of us becomes obsessed with HAS to pass on the other. It’s how our relationship has lasted and thrived for 15 years.

He KEPT talking and talking and TALKING about this cleanse. So much so, that I promised I would do it along with him in December.

Unfortunately, my life was all over the place in December so he had to do it without me. However, I had the pleasure of hearing him go off about it for 24 days straight.

I finally got it together and started yesterday as part of a national 24 day challenge.

Now #knowme and know that I have never, EVER featured a cleanse. I hate taking pills (especially if they aren’t natural and make me jittery) and I refuse to do a cleanse where I can’t eat like a normal person.

The AdvoCare cleanse allows you to eat…dun dun dun….CARBS. Mmmmm carbs :-p

Not only can I eat carbs, I get to eat 3 meals a day and snack in between. There are supplements that I have to take and this fiber drink that sigh is a STRUGGLE, but I’m all for it.

There’s also a really dope app that allows me to track food, water consumption, and it even has the options to set reminders so I don’t forget to take my supplements.

I’ve gone years hearing the dreaded “you’re so pretty…in the face…”

No comments on my body.

Not to say I don’t attract the fellas, but it was/is very disheartening for me to look in the mirror and see two tons of fun.

In the last few years, my weight has fluctuated and settled into a state where I can be described as curvy. I carry my weight well and everyone says “oh you don’t need to lose weight, you look fine the way you are.”

But, I’m not fine the way I am. My body is a temple and I have neglected it for years.

Not anymore, I’m determined to take my time and lose weight the healthy way in 2015.

I’m making the active decision to change my lifestyle because you only have one body. And, if I didn’t learn anything else in 2014, I learned I HAVE to take care of my body!

And, my bestie and I literally envision our bodies down the line. He will finally have his six-pack and I will prance around with the sexiest legs in a leotard/onesie like Beyonce. #owww

Lol our visions are a cackle but amazing and inspirational.

Twista’s “Like a 24” came up in my mix while I was working out last night and took me back to my senior year at Howard. I vividly remember my homegirl trying to show a group of us how to twerk to this song.

At the time, I totally suffered from no ass at all and wished my body was shaped like hers.

Fast forward 10 years, and I’m finally at a place where I know I can get my body in the best shape.

I know it’s early on in this cleanse but I am so excited. Clearly, excited as it inspired my first post of the new year :-)

If I’m feeling super inspired, I’ll post before and after pics when I finish.

2 Teens and a Granny


Over the weekend, this granny got her life for once and funny enough it’s all thanks to my godson.

My typical Saturday night revolves around me sitting in the house, in my room, on hour 8 of an SVU marathon. I try not to get sucked into the SVU vortex but I promise it happens every single weekend.

From about 5-8, I hung out with my dad and curled up watching SVU at my parents’ house.

My phone went off around 7:45 and I got real excited because the only alerts that come through my phone are Facebook game invites.

I saw a message from my godson reminding me that I promised to take him and his girlfriend to the movies for date night.

In the moment, I groaned because of the logistics involved: she lives near my high school (which is about 20 minutes south of me) but the movie theater was about 35 minutes north of her house.

It was whatevs tho. I made a promise.

I rushed home only to find out that they wanted to hit a 10:30 movie gasp

Lol when I was 15, I couldn’t have even dreamed of asking my parents to go on a date, let alone a movie at 10:30.

I asked my godson if her mom said it was ok and he confirmed that it was not only fine but “her mom loves me auntie.”

sigh they grow up so fast.

While I waited for him to get ready, I got hella bored and decided to hop on Tinder. I swiped left a few times, then stumbled across a profile of a fairly cute guy.

I don’t feel like getting into the specifics of how Tinder works but long story short we ended up sparking a conversation.

During the convo, I told him that I was playing chauffeur for my godson and his date. He then asked me if I wanted to hang out while they saw Big Hero Six.

Now, even though I am a recluse and a granny to the core, 2014 has taught me the ultimate lesson of life is too short to sit in the house.

So, I said yes to my first date in 1.5 years.

My godson and I headed out the door and when I picked up his girlfriend I felt like a true driver since they sat in the back of my truck.

I don’t know how to be cool and converse with two teenagers so I kindly blasted my iTunes the whole ride and sang/flowed along to every song. Sidenote, I forgot how much I loved Yeezus!

Once I dropped them off, I hit up the Fridays near the theater and actually had an amazing time with my date (who was super cute in person #score), talking about a whole bunch of nothing.

I was a bit self-conscious because I typically look really nice on a date.

However, as I contemplated a different outfit, I totally had a moment of “ehh if he doesn’t accept me when I look low-key, he’ll never accept me…dah well!”

Not only did he accept me as is, I found out he’s a fellow recluse like me! Just two attractive weirdos in a pod :-)

I picked up my godson and his date when the movie ended and managed to have almost two whole minutes of normal conversation with them.

Once I parked at his girlfriend’s house, I tried to tell him to walk to her to the door but he kindly cut me off “come on auntie, I got this!”

I mumbled an apology and turned my music back up while I waited for him to get back in the truck.

On the ride home, we chatted a little bit about our respective dates. My godson knows all about my hermit ways so he was very surprised that I actually went out on a forreal date.

I’m still a bit surprised at my spontaneity but it’s nice to get out every now and then :-)

I’m A Star-Rah


I go back and forth about my feelings towards a certain Ms. Onika aka Nicki Minaj.

Can’t say I dislike her at all. I just get tired of artist oversaturation.

Like, let me turn your album on at my leisure instead of having to listen to every song, remix, guest appearance, etc every five minutes on the radio #sheesh.

I actually forgot all about Nicki until recently. I definitely stanned for her Pink Friday album; actually had to break out my iPod (do people even buy those anymore??) and listen to it this morning.

Most of my healthy routine this year has centered strictly on eating. I know, I know, I need to hit the gym but it’s a struggle for me.

The only thing that’s not a struggle is SQUATS!

I do them on a daily basis in the mornings or evenings or both depending on my mood.

Gotta step my assets up because….

“my anaconda don’t want none unless you got bunz hun…

Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detrioooot…

big dope dealer money he was gettin some coins…”

Lol, you know what’s really sad??

I walk around whispering the most ratchet, vulgar lyrics under my breath because Nicki is so freakin catchy #ugh

The other day I hit CVS to pick up my prescription and the CD/DVD hustleman caught me as I was walking to my car.

Btw, hustlemen, the lil basketball AAU teams with Krispy Kreme donuts, and homeless folk always see me coming a mile away.

The hustleman went through his spill of “I have this and this and this…” I had already seen every movie he had so we transitioned to music and all he had left was rap.

I ended up getting Young Jeezy bc I love him and I randomly got Young Thug’s album.

Young Thug’s incoherent lyrics have managed to find a place in my daily ramblings and my jam of all jams is “Danny Glover.”

sings “ok cool, ok bool I love her…ima save her yes like Danny Glover…ima call (inserts my own lyrics bc I have NO clue what he saying)…I pass them a molly now they kiss each other…”

Sidenote: What the heck is a bool, lol?

Sidenote 2: This man had on pink, stretch jeans with slits cut in the thigh during the BET Hip Hop awards #whatintheENTIREhell #isecretlywantthemformyself LOL

The version I purchased has the remix with Nicki Minaj and ooooo!

Every morning I drive into the garage at work and have to remind myself to cut my music down so:

  1. I don’t offend anyone
  2. my coworkers won’t judge me for knowing every single last word of her verse.

Of course, I will listen to her new album and get caught up in her matrix then slowly back away after a few months.

The one thing I can say I truly admire about Nicki is she feels herself to the max.

She has no time for haters, naysayers, and the like. She sums it up:

“B*tch, I’m a star-rah…

you n*ccas I’ll holla tomorrah…

doors go up cause I am too rich to cop a Gallardo…

No regular doors…On Aventadors…

Painted it pink just so I can take pictures while you rented yours…”

Ohhhh that verse goes so hard!!!

On my worst days, I walk around feeling like a star-rah because, guess what? I AM!

My external circumstances will never dictate my self-worth. Some view it as conceit but I will always know the truth and be proud of having so much confidence in myself.

I constantly put in work to be the best version of myself and to be the absolute best person to everyone I encounter, regardless of how they treat me.

If that ain’t a star-rah, I don’t know what is :-)

21 Nuts vs. Cakes and Pies


IMG_3271I’ve been trying hard to get back to my healthy eating lifestyle because I got totally thrown off the last two months.

How thrown off, you ask?

Oh, honey…

I spent a solid two weeks of those two months eating NOTHING but cakes, cookies and my new fav, my boo, my everything: donuts!

And, when I say nothing but cakes etc. etc., I would easily go through a whole dozen donuts in one day.

Let’s be clear these aren’t just any ol donuts. They’re WEGMAN’S donuts insert Homer Simpson salivating, followed by evil laugh, followed by so much shame, followed by more salivating

If you’re not familiar with Wegman’s, stop reading right now and go google the closest one. If it’s within an hour, go make that trek asap.

When you get there, find the bakery section and try any one particular sweet. I guarantee it will be the most delectable sweet EVER.

I have never been big on sweets. My eating issues always revolved around actual food, food. Growing up, my mom was –and still is—the most amazing cook ever. Everything she makes tastes so freakin gooooood!

Peach Cobbler was my jamz for years. It was the only sweet that I would ask my mom to make and usually just once a year on my birthday.

My birthday dinner for years consisted of the following:

  • baked ziti with turkey sausage
  • macaroni and cheese
  • peach cobbler

That’s right, not one veggie unless you count the tomatoes in the ziti sauce. Just straight carby deliciousness followed by a nap on the couch.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2014, and I was in a totally different space. I had a goal to lose 40 lbs by the end of the year.

When June rolled around this year, I kindly declined to have my usual birthday dinner. I explained to my mom that I just can’t eat that stuff anymore. Luckily, she was already on her own carb free moves so she had no issues chopping our yearly tradition.

Anywho, I’m back on my grind.

I’m down 20 lbs so far…hopefully I didn’t gain 10 of them back during my donut binge. deep sigh

I’m also back to reading all labels, and monitoring my portions.

This morning I counted out 21 nuts from an econo size bag of Planters nuts, I also fought the urge to make a cup of coffee and made tea instead.

While I would give anything for a nice cup of coffee and a Wegman’s donut…smh OMG they make these sour cream cake donuts….ughhhhhhhhhhh LOL. If you come across one, you will totally understand why I had no cut cards about dedicating half a blog post to these donuts.

Sorry…while I would give anything for a nice cup of coffee and a donut, I’m content with my lemon tea and 21 nuts.

My body will appreciate the dedication in the long run.

However, once I drop these last 20, I’m going to celebrate with a donut ;-)

Deuce Bigalow is one of my FAVORITE movies. A true cackle from start to finish: “Cakes and Pies!!”

Where Da Where Da Cash At?


I was recently promoted at work and in the midst of all the congratulations and “hey let’s celebrate” and “lunch is on you next time” all I could think to myself is where da cash at???

I’ve never been that great at negotiating salaries but I’ve only had two jobs since college. I sometimes want to kick myself for not changing jobs every two years like a true millennial.

In the midst of my salary negotiations, I felt so misunderstood.

  • Have I been a faithful employee? Yep, been here almost 7 years.
  • Have I worked my ass off? Yep, but that’s how I’ve always rolled #workaholicforlife
  • Don’t I deserve to be paid accordingly? Umm, yeah.

Instead, I had to go through a series of frustrating conversations trying to justify why I should be paid more. Eventually, I settled because my life is a life right now and I just didn’t have the energy for the debate.

However, I let the bitterness fester for almost a week.

It wasn’t until a particularly rough day that I said “girl, why are you even trippin?”

My current career is awesome enough. I love being an advertising junkie and I really love working with my coworkers.

But, but, but, I’M A WRITER.

Who has time to walk around pissed when I’ve gained and continue to gain ALL types of experience that I will be able to implement in my writing career. Because of my promotion, I’m no longer bogged down with filling out a time card or having anyone clock my comings and goings #score. I also live for the project management aspects of my new role.

And forreal, I was trippin off of the principle of the matter. Even though I felt I deserved more of an increase, I did get a cute enough increase. The work easily could have been dumped in my lap with no type of compensation at all.

I also know that at the end of the day, I and I alone control my future.

Part of me was so adamant about receiving a specific salary because I’m at the point where I know I want to have a child in the next year or so.

I have a lil stash that I’ve been saving because when I have my kids, I don’t want to work in an office. I want to stay home and raise my babies and write.

If I had gotten the salary I wanted, I would’ve put off starting a family and neglected my writing career.

There’s always a blessing in the midst of it all. I just had to wait for it.

Now, I can walk around carefree and truly happy, writing until my fingers cramp.

And, I can wake up in the mornings and sing “ U catch my gal legs open betta smash that…don’t be surprised if she ask where da cash at?” #owwww *dances*

Just the Two of Us


My life has been a hell of a life the last two months. I feel like I’m in that movie Into the Storm…like oh wow look at this straight up category 5 hurricane coming out of nowhere and devastating everything.

2014 has been such a year of loss and trauma for my immediate and extended family. I legit wake up most mornings and cry because I’m grateful that I actually woke up. I feel so strongly humbled these days.

Over the weekend my mom and I had our first girl’s day in almost three months. We’re both hurting in our own ways but we’re both also strong enough to say “let’s walk around and talk about a bunch of nothing and just be lighthearted for once.”

So we did.

We tried to see The Equalizer…we both love Denzel lol…but the theater was too crowded. AND, the theater bamboozled me with the 10:30 show. This granny LIVES for a matinée.

At one point my mom and I would hit the movies almost every week to see a 9 or 10 am show. It gave us time to bond over a great film and it also gave us the rest of the day to go about our business. And, forreal, you can’t beat $12 for two tickets!

Smh, this theater had the nerve to charge $9.50 for a 10 am show…#uhuhnotupinhere #NOTUPINHERE!!! The 11:30 show was at the matinée price but we didn’t feel like waiting.

Instead, we went to the bookstore. Deep sigh it hurts my feelings that there are so few bookstores around. My second job in life was working at the Borders near my home for three summers straight during college. I loved every second of it and I read EVERYTHING. That was when I discovered my 2nd favorite author Anita Shreve. I love V.C. Andrews and all but I want to write like Anita…she is such a beat storyteller.

My mom and I perused the cookbooks, African-American non-fiction and religion books looking for a good read for my dad. Afterwards, we contemplated hitting the movies but ended up at a random nail shop behind the theater.

We spent most of our time in the shop in silence but content. I convinced my mom to get a color other than red or pink – she is such a girly girl lol. I found this fly fuchsia plum color and we got matching manicures.

I took pics of our manis and I can honestly say that moment was the happiest I’ve been in the last month. With everything going on, I feel hella lonely. And it’s not that I don’t have people around me who care. This loneliness is just a part of my current life situation and most days I only feel like I can talk to my mom because she’s in the thick of it with me.

My mom and I depend on each other a whole lot now. We’ve gone from talking every other day to multiple phone calls and texts throughout the day.

Tough times tend to bring people closer. I didn’t think it was possible to be any closer to my mom but we are even tighter than before.

I was explaining the closeness to my best friend and he instantly started singing Bill Withers “Just the Two of Us.” I cackled in the moment – and cried myself to sleep later that night – because it’s so true. It’s literally me and my mom joined at the hip working together towards one major goal.

I also love how the universe is too funny. I hear “Just the Two of Us” on the radio all the time now. Two days ago when I went to visit my dad, I heard the song playing over the loudspeaker and I laughed so hard then sang real loud. My dad looked at me like I was crazy and shook his head.

I haven’t been able to blog at all…been working on my book on the days I can pull it together to write. But, it touched my heart a few days ago when my mom asked me: “where’s 30 year old granny?? I want to read more of your blog.”

So, I’m going to try my hardest to blog more. Not every day but definitely more often.



Get Loose


As I mentioned yesterday, this granny is constantly out and about in the streets #living!

Yesterday, my female bestie and my homeboy/one of our really good mutual friends from high school hit up Happy Hour at the National Harbor. We hadn’t hung out in almost 15 years #whew so we were beyond excited to get together.

For so many reasons, I won’t mention the name of this restaurant but I’ll get to all that in due time.

The first time I hit said restaurant I had a terrible experience. However, I’m not one to hold a grudge.

I kindly wrote a letter to corporate and was pleasantly surprised that I not only received a prompt reply but a $50 gift card for future use.

To be fair – $50 was a reasonable amount, the food at this spot is pretty pricey. So pricey, that I’ve learned to only go for Happy Hour. And I’m not even gonna get into how ALL of the restaurants at the Harbor are ridiculously overpriced and the fact that you have to pay for parking.

It’s all good, the views are amazing and I love sitting right on the water!

Anywho, the three of us get to the bar and we immediately order drinks and ALL the appetizers.

I really love this particular spot because they make some of the best fried oysters I’ve had in a minute. The DMV is a seafood lovers town but I always struggle with finding a spot with decent fried oysters.

I took 3 sips of my Cosmo and immediately felt loosey goosey lol.

My bestie already knows how I get when I drink so she just chuckled and proceeded to down her drink with no problem.

As time proceeds (smh probably all of 5 minutes, yes I’m that much of a lightweight) I am cackling at everything, specifically our flustered bartender who wasn’t paying us adequate attention. I was patiently waiting – and sniggling uncontrollably—for my bestie to flick off.

Instead, we encountered the ultimate cackle of all cackles.

I noticed the bartender making a bucket o’ alcohol and I slurred/asked “ooo whas that?”

The server standing next to me answered (bc once again my bartender ignored me) “oh it’s rum punch, here…”

That man proceeded to stick a straw in the drink, gently cupped and caressed my chin with his free hand, and then placed the straw near my tongue so I could taste.

The kicker is…I was ALL for it! I legit closed my eyes once the liquid hit my lips and said “mmmm, yum” when I finished.

Sober granny is very particular about people being in her personal space. But apparently, drunk granny lives for it.

We all began to cackle once the waiter walked away and simultaneous asked “What just happened?!?!”

My homeboy was all “dag K, I could be your boyfriend for all he knows and he still took a chance!”

I am in tears by this point laughing and the waiter eventually makes his way back to my area right when I say to my friends “that was hilarious but soooo inappropriate!”

The waiter is extremely apologetic by this point and I’m still laughing. I told him not to worry about it bc I was clearly tipsy and didn’t care. Plus, lol that chin caress was everything.

Like forreal, it was the equivalent of a forehead kiss!

All in all, we had a great time. I inhaled all the appetizers and started to sober up.

My bestie and my homeboy shared a bucket of rum punch and allowed me one sip – which was more than enough by that point, I barely finished the one drink I ordered.

We left the restaurant and all three of us walked hand in hand around the harbor #thecutest!

Eventually, we hit another restaurant so I could eat more and revert back to my usual designated driver status.

Luckily I didn’t have a hangover this morning but I kinda liked getting loose.

And sigh, I want a boo just so he can cup my chin and stare into my eyes LOL.

In the meantime, dancing to T.I. in the mornings is the closest I’ll get to getting loose for a good long while. :-)