Bubble Baths and Back Rubs

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I have no business listening and body rolling to Ginuwine first thing in the morning but I LOVE this song.

Even though I’m out and about more than usual, I am still a granny to the core.

I like the idea of meeting new people but I am not feeling making any type of physical connection at all.

And, I don’t even mean on the deepest level of actually being physically intimate with someone.

Even the slightest kiss gets me hella flustered and stressed out.

For me, kissing is extremely intimate and as a single lady it amazes me how guys are so ready to kiss from jump.

Whole time I’m just staring at their mouth like “eww…I have no clue who and what’s been in there!” #ick

I went on a date a few days ago and when I didn’t kiss him at the end of the night, he had the nerve and audacity to call me a prude.

I wasn’t even offended though. I was just genuinely surprised that he was so bothered, especially when I was extremely low-key the entire date.

I could see if I had been all over him and giving that good ol’ come hither stare but I legit treated the date like I was out with one of my homegirls.

I kindly let him know I wasn’t a prude. I’m just patient and particular.

And, I really wanted to say “honey, trust there is plenty of non-prudish energy coursing through these veins!” :-p

But, that would’ve opened the door to another conversation that I wasn’t even interested in entertaining.

I prefer my life this way. It’s easier. I’m crazy focused. And, I am genuinely happy.

Do I get anxious and lonely?

Napoleon Dynamite voice Heck yes!

The only time it hits me hard is when I lay down in my empty ass bed at night and stare at the pillow next to mine.

Only in the brief moment before I drift off to sleep do I want someone to draw me a bubble bath, and give me a back rub.

I’m not even going to get into how I slept with my laptop on a pillow and snuggled with a rolled up blanket for MONTHS after I broke up with one of my exes because I was so heartbroken and devastated.

Soooo grateful I’m no longer in that depressed space #win.

And, ok I can’t fake. I still snuggle up with my laptop lol.

But that makes the most sense as writing is my one true love :-)

 

Get Loose

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As I mentioned yesterday, this granny is constantly out and about in the streets #living!

Yesterday, my female bestie and my homeboy/one of our really good mutual friends from high school hit up Happy Hour at the National Harbor. We hadn’t hung out in almost 15 years #whew so we were beyond excited to get together.

For so many reasons, I won’t mention the name of this restaurant but I’ll get to all that in due time.

The first time I hit said restaurant I had a terrible experience. However, I’m not one to hold a grudge.

I kindly wrote a letter to corporate and was pleasantly surprised that I not only received a prompt reply but a $50 gift card for future use.

To be fair – $50 was a reasonable amount, the food at this spot is pretty pricey. So pricey, that I’ve learned to only go for Happy Hour. And I’m not even gonna get into how ALL of the restaurants at the Harbor are ridiculously overpriced and the fact that you have to pay for parking.

It’s all good, the views are amazing and I love sitting right on the water!

Anywho, the three of us get to the bar and we immediately order drinks and ALL the appetizers.

I really love this particular spot because they make some of the best fried oysters I’ve had in a minute. The DMV is a seafood lovers town but I always struggle with finding a spot with decent fried oysters.

I took 3 sips of my Cosmo and immediately felt loosey goosey lol.

My bestie already knows how I get when I drink so she just chuckled and proceeded to down her drink with no problem.

As time proceeds (smh probably all of 5 minutes, yes I’m that much of a lightweight) I am cackling at everything, specifically our flustered bartender who wasn’t paying us adequate attention. I was patiently waiting – and sniggling uncontrollably—for my bestie to flick off.

Instead, we encountered the ultimate cackle of all cackles.

I noticed the bartender making a bucket o’ alcohol and I slurred/asked “ooo whas that?”

The server standing next to me answered (bc once again my bartender ignored me) “oh it’s rum punch, here…”

That man proceeded to stick a straw in the drink, gently cupped and caressed my chin with his free hand, and then placed the straw near my tongue so I could taste.

The kicker is…I was ALL for it! I legit closed my eyes once the liquid hit my lips and said “mmmm, yum” when I finished.

Sober granny is very particular about people being in her personal space. But apparently, drunk granny lives for it.

We all began to cackle once the waiter walked away and simultaneous asked “What just happened?!?!”

My homeboy was all “dag K, I could be your boyfriend for all he knows and he still took a chance!”

I am in tears by this point laughing and the waiter eventually makes his way back to my area right when I say to my friends “that was hilarious but soooo inappropriate!”

The waiter is extremely apologetic by this point and I’m still laughing. I told him not to worry about it bc I was clearly tipsy and didn’t care. Plus, lol that chin caress was everything.

Like forreal, it was the equivalent of a forehead kiss!

All in all, we had a great time. I inhaled all the appetizers and started to sober up.

My bestie and my homeboy shared a bucket of rum punch and allowed me one sip – which was more than enough by that point, I barely finished the one drink I ordered.

We left the restaurant and all three of us walked hand in hand around the harbor #thecutest!

Eventually, we hit another restaurant so I could eat more and revert back to my usual designated driver status.

Luckily I didn’t have a hangover this morning but I kinda liked getting loose.

And sigh, I want a boo just so he can cup my chin and stare into my eyes LOL.

In the meantime, dancing to T.I. in the mornings is the closest I’ll get to getting loose for a good long while. :-)

 

 

Some Damn Limearitas

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As a granny, I love the old school classics. However, the youngster in me LOVES me some southern rap!

Not even the classic, substantive southern rap either. I’m all about these new artists like Future and Migos who are yelling incoherently using autotune over a sickening beat.

I had no clue who K Camp was until recently but apparently I already liked one of his songs sings and shakes hips “Money baby…money baby…money baby…”

The radio always keeps me hip to the what the masses are listening too and I randomly heard “Cut Her Off” and smh it managed to creep into this old soul’s life.

My favorite morning show is Rickey Smiley’s morning show. I full out cackle every morning just because he’s so silly and hilarious. They have a segment on the show where they do hip hop translations and I cried laughing when they did K Camp’s “Cut Her Off.”

The translator explains that one of the many reasons K Camp is cutting off a woman is because “she will bust it down for some damn limearitas” aka “this woman is loose in nature, so loose that she will do anything for a limearita.”

Have you ever had a limearita?

It’s like lime flavored liquid gasoline…yes, I’ve had one/two/three on occasion but I was already too far gone to have good judgment #ick

It seriously takes me back to my broke days in college when I mixed Velicoff vodka with Strawberry Banana Mad Dog 20/20.

Feel free to #judgeaway. I look back and judge myself for that one lol.

All of my friends were straight drunks and we were all broke boots but we would collectively pool our money together and make it happen.

What gets me is…are there seriously grown women out here who will do anything for a limearita? Smh what is the world coming to?

Anyway, EVERY morning, myself, my roommate or my godson, is blasting it.

Then when I get to work, I listen to it during my first hour to keep me hype.

My job has been really, really busy since I took over a former coworker’s desk and I have to consume at least two cups of coffee and play music non-stop just to make it through the day without melting or spazzing.

I alternate this K Camp song with my Old School Is Everything playlist and they both keep me going.

Sidenote, I’m also loving how this generation of kids are all about dancing. My poor godson shakes his head whenever his mom and I hit the Nae Nae.

It’s all good tho. I have always loved to dance :-)

And, I am patiently waiting for a pending celebration that I (and my friends and family) have been praying for JUST so I can Nae Nae/twerk/get my entire life in the middle of U Street and yell “she’ll bust it down for some damn limearitas!”

 

Not Enough To Divide the Pie

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I didn’t really get into E. Badu until her second album (still my fav out of all her albums) but I used to LIVE for Next Lifetime.

The video was everything when it came out and I remember loosing my entire mind because she kept missing out on her chance with Method Man. No shade to Andre 3000, I just love me some Method Man #yum!

I heard it the other day on WHUR and sang until I couldn’t sing anymore.

Back in the day, I lived for the premise of the video, i.e., being in love with one guy but knowing your soul mate was just within your grasp…especially if that soul mate was sexy Method Man!

I’m still über content in my own little space but gasp this granny has actually been going out and about almost every day.

If anyone hits me and wants to go out, I instantly pull it together and make it happen. No excuses. No lip. Let’s just go already.

Quite a HUGE step for me seeing as how just 4 months ago I only went to work, home, and my parents’ house.

I love that I’m in a more social space but apparently everyone can sense it because my exes are coming out the woodwork like crazy.

Years ago, I did not believe in being friends after a relationship. If I broke up with you, you betta had enjoyed every moment and taken plenty of mental pics because I was out of your life for good.

Deuces.

Arrivederci.

Laters.

Bye, Felicia.

Now, I’m nothing like that. It honestly isn’t that hard to be friends either. I just needed to pull it together and not be so bitter about the breakup and let it go.

My struggle now is finding the time to commit to being social with everyone.

There are so many layers to being friends after a breakup too. Apparently, you must have a conversation about expectations and how we’re either 1. Never getting back together 2. Are being friends with benefits or 3. Just straight up being cool.

I’m all about option number 3, BTW :-)

I’ve never had to navigate the post relationship waters before but I think I’m fairing ok so far.

And to be extremely honest, I appreciate splitting my time amongst friends so much more than splitting it amongst a significant other and friends/family.

In my prior relationships, I would put sooo much energy into my partner. Not to say I neglected my close friends and family but I neglected my personal space and time.

All of my free time would go to my partner and I would always feel so obligated to make sure they got enough of my attentnion even if it was to my own detriment.

I don’t miss that at all.

I like having healthy relationships with friends.

I like being able to tell people that I’m not only single, but I’m also beyond content in my solitude.

And, I truly don’t miss splitting myself into 80 million pieces, perpetually stressing myself out.


“Well, I know I’m a lot of woman…but not enough to divide the pie…”

Where You From, You Sexy Thing?

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As of late, it doesn’t matter where I go: the gas station, grocery store, BJ’s, Starbucks, the hospital (I am so claiming I don’t have to walk the halls of another hospital this year), Orlando for work, my mailbox across the street…I could go on and on.

EVERYONE is getting into me.

Men, women, uncles and grandpas (partially my fault because I am still blasting Marvin Gaye everywhere I go).

Black, White, Hispanic, African, cats, dogs.

Seriously, race, creed, species, none of it matters.

I firmly believe this is because of two reasons:

  1. I am in the most positive space I’ve ever experienced in life. I’m perpetually blessed, focused, and happy even in the midst of mourning. My happy aura pulls everyone in and I love it.
  2. My body is getting SNATCHED! I’ve lost almost 20 lbs so far and it’s all been from changing my eating habits. I definitely need to pull it together and work out but I’m pretty active for the most part so I’m more than content with my progress.
  3. Sorry three reasons, apparently I look hella Ethiopian. How Ethiopian? Strangers approach me all the time speaking Amharic, lol then get pissed/say I’m lying when I reveal I’m American.

I went many years without receiving this kind of attention. It never bothered me though, as I’ve never been one for people to be all up in my space.

I love my solitude and have always been content in my own little world.

Especially the last two months, since I’m still missing my grandma something fierce.

But now, it’s crazy to see how people react to my energy.

A few weeks ago I was in Orlando for work and I had to be on my toes at all times. My job is a member-based organization so I have to be extremely friendly and cognizant of how I interact with the members.

I’m surface friendly so I had a blast talking to members from all around the world. Once I got off work, I would go out for a drink to relax and it amazed me how many people wanted to be in my space.

Of course, I am still such a granny.

I would always kindly slide to the back of whatever club/bar I was in, with my one drink for the night, and observe from a distance.

I enjoy the attention but only to an extent. Sometimes people become too friendly and then I have to get all Chappelle on them:

“You’re too close, man!!!” LOL!

I’m just excited that my aura is on a milli. Not only do I make people smile, but I’m almost back to my old self, smiling non-stop #win :-)

Do You Want to Build A Snowman?

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As much as I despise the snow after the ridiculous polar vortex that plagued the DMV, I would give anything to be a little kid and build a snowman these days.

I’m in the midst of mourning my grandmother. When I’m in better spirits, I’m going to blog about how much of a cackle my grandma was and how she touched my family in so many wonderful ways.

My job is stressing me out and making me spiral on a daily basis.

I’m going to be 31 in two weeks and I feel like I should have accomplished so much more in life by this point. Although, that bummer was partially instigated by an episode of Mad Men I watched last night. Peggy broke down wondering why she was single and 30 with no kids and I totally felt her pain when she said “what did I do wrong?”

I struggle with trying to be über positive and not complain but some days I just feel really defeated.

It’s amazing, though, how the smallest things can make me smile and remind me that everything will be just foine honey.

On Sunday, I cooked my parents dinner for the first time and they loved it. I, of course, critiqued everything but my folks weren’t having it. Lol even the next day, I tried to apologize to my mom for the shrimp I made her (I used a little bit too much lemon juice).

Her response: Girl, I didn’t have to cook! Those shrimp were just fine.

I never knew cooking for family could be so satisfying.

Yesterday, I had a really, really crappy day. I wanted to cry so bad but my tears are reserved for my grandma so I just settled into being defeated again.

When I got home, my college bestie hit me up on FaceTime so I could see her and my godbabies. As soon as I saw my godson, I started singing “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” and he smiled sooooo hard.

His smile, followed by him telling me “I love you the most!” (because he’s a little boy and everything is a competition lol) made my entire day.

Like, I can’t even explain how much I needed some lighthearted vibes in my life at that moment.

This morning, I woke up feeling a little better but still blah. My boo Marvin couldn’t even make me smile during my commute.

Instead, I turned on the Frozen soundtrack – yes, I have the soundtrack on my iPhone, I pressed my friend at work to make me a copy of his daughter’s CD—and sang my heart out while I sat in traffic.

That soundtrack takes me all the way back to my Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and Little Mermaid days of knowing ALL the songs in the movie.

It won’t be on repeat today but I have literally been whisper-singing “it doesn’t have to be a snowmannn…o-k byeee” all morning.

Well that and, “Let it go, let it goooo…”

And, “Love is an open doooooor…”

And, “For the first time innnn foreverrrr…”

And, “In Summer…”

And, “So he’s a bit of a fixer upper…”

Yep, basically every song is my jam :-)

Dinklage. Peter Dinklage, Peter Dinklage, Peter Dinklage.

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I have been singing Peter Dinklage’s name for the last three weeks. Game of Thrones is my show and every season gives me so much life.

This season is the best so far IMO and I am so in love with Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion Lannister.

Not a major spoiler but my boo is in dire straits this season and I swear if they kill him I am soooo done with HBO!

Lol all jokes. Who am I kidding? HBO has been givin me the good stuff for years and I’m totally addicted.

From The Wire to The Sopranos to Oz to Lucky Louie (yes I still live for that one season, Louis C.K. is my honey for life!) to True Detective to True Blood (altho at this point I’m watching just bc I’ve watched all the other seasons) to Curb Your Enthusiasm, Sex and The City, Veep, Eastbound & Down (I’m Kenny f’n Powers!), John Adams (“Liberty will reign in America!”), In Treatment, Mildred Pierce (Kate Winslet is my boo!).

Smh that’s not even all of the shows either, I could go on and on AND they have some shows coming out this year that look like they will be EVERYTHING.

Case in point, the trailer for The Leftovers has me on a serious countdown. I’m all about ANYTHING Damon Lindelof puts his hands on… takes moment of silence in memory of Lost

There’s something special about Game of Thrones though. I’m all about the treachery that is The Walking Dead and I love that GOT premiers literally a week after TWD ends. It helps me avoid TWD withdrawal :-)

Anywho, if you’re not watching this show I would say what the heck are you waiting for? But, GOT is not even for the faint of heart.

I’m so not ready for this season to end but I am ready for Peter Dinklage to win another Emmy. He has been epic this season!


That high pitched Peter Dinklage at 0:43 tho…LOL!